Are we all collectively tired of hearing the word ‘unprecedented?’
We are.
But it’s true; we are feeling unprecedentedly, we are seeing unprecedented things, and we must be prepared to match that and support, heal, and deal in an unprecedented way. We haven’t been able to do the things we have wanted to, the plans we’ve had have had to be postponed, or even cancelled. It might feel like there is so many things to grieve right now!
More than ever, it is important to practice self-validation of our feelings and our experience. We do this when we practice being present, reflect to ourselves how we feel, remaining curious, and normalizing while validating.
It is a priceless gift to be able to feel strongly, but at times of intense emotions, it can feel so incredibly heavy. Our emotions can vary so much on any given day and when we spend any amount of time dismissing, avoiding, or invalidating ourselves, that is only betraying our lived experience.
Teens who are experiencing our current world are incredibly resilient, with vulnerability being put upon them at all angles of their lives. They might be saying to themselves, “Being sad about missing prom is so stupid, I should be sad about what’s going on in the world.” This thought process might be perpetuated by an invalidating environment, and it is up to use to help teens know the skills to feel their emotions fully and know that they are valid in those feelings!
The first step in self-validation is to practice mindfully noticing your emotions. Sit with yourself, notice what your thoughts are telling you, the tension in your body, and simply notice and observe your own experience.
When you have done this, you can then reflect and label the emotion you’re feeling, and in this reflection, give yourself some context to the emotion. This could look like, “I feel angry today, I can feel it in my shoulders and neck. I know it started yesterday when my parents told me I couldn’t go to my friend’s house. But today I am also feeling a tightness and heaviness in my stomach, and that feels like loneliness. When we approach our emotions with curiosity, we wonder to ourselves, “Would I support and validate someone who feels this way after experiencing the same thing?”
Teens have massive capacities for care and compassion for their closest friends, and often times struggled extending that same compassion for themselves. When we have practiced this, teens can finally say to themselves, “Of course I feel this way. It makes sense that I feel this way.” Feelings are our messengers, they can help us understand what is important to us.
The best part of self-validation is that the practice can happen anywhere. This is a practice that gets easier each time, and can benefit any person who has been given the gift of feeling. In overwhelming times, take the time that you deserve to feel your emotions fully and let yourself know that you are perfectly valid in these emotions. When teens take that time, their intense emotions become manageable and they can thrive in any environment, feeling confident and valid in their experiences!
Written by Lorren Ruscetta, Teen Therapist at Creative Healing. Learn more about Lorren here.