This month makes one year since the World Health Organization declared the coronavirus outbreak a pandemic. This year has been a tough one for many people who have had to wrestle with hardships like contracting the virus, losing loved ones, unemployment, and staying isolated from dear friends and family members.
It has also been a rough year for teenagers. Missing out on fun school events, quarantining from friends, and navigating changes between in-person, hybrid, and online classes have taken a toll on the mental health of many teens.
This only compounds the struggle for parents of teens, who have to face the challenges of the pandemic while trying to support their teens during this difficult time.
With all of the immense stressors that you have had to deal with over the past year, there may have been a few times when you felt like you dropped the ball.
Maybe you found it difficult to practice active listening or validate your teen at times because you have so much on your own plate.
Maybe you weren’t as productive as usual, or you weren’t able to take on as many tasks as before.
As we get closer to the anniversary of when the pandemic was first announced, it might be tempting to reflect on your past year and criticize yourself for mistakes you made or goals you weren’t able to accomplish.
However, this will only do more harm than good!
Beating yourself up over the past is not only harmful to your mental health, but it’s also unproductive. Shame isn’t a powerful motivator for change, so holding on to this feeling is not going to make sure this year goes any better.
If you want to process this past year in a healthy and productive way, you should focus on self-compassion instead.
Think of what you would do if you had a strawberry plant. If it only grew one strawberry, would you be upset with the plant? Would you refuse to water it or give it sunlight because it may never do better in the future?
Of course not! You would continue to nurture the plant and do whatever you can to help it grow.
It’s important for you to show yourself the same compassion and care that you would a plant. After all, you’re still growing, too!
Here are a few ways you can practice self-compassion as we near one year of the COVID-19 pandemic:
Acknowledge your hardship. This year was hard. Point blank. Recognize and acknowledge the fact that regardless of how the pandemic affected you, you experienced hardship this year, and it’s okay to be gentle with yourself as a result.
Remember that you are not alone! Countless other parents are in your same boat. You are not the only one that struggled this year, and there is no reason to make yourself feel bad for making mistakes while having a hard year when thousands of other parents made the same mistakes, too.
Celebrate small successes. Simply making it through this year is victory enough! Write down and honor any successes you experienced this year, even if they are small.
Practice mindfulness. Sometimes we don’t even realize just how critical our thoughts are until it’s too late. Learn to recognize the negative thoughts in your head that cause you to feel shame so that you can stop them in their tracks.
Allow yourself to be imperfect. It’s okay if you had interactions with your teen where you missed the mark. It’s okay if you didn’t reach all of your goals. It’s okay if “all” you did was get through this difficult year.
Practice self-care. Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated and make sure you are taking care of yourself, even when you don’t feel like self-care is justified. Set aside time to practice the hobbies you enjoy or to relax and rejuvenate. When you practice self-care, it will help you feel better, and it will also help you be better equipped to parent your teen.
Talk to others. Don’t be ashamed to talk to friends, family members, or even a therapist about the struggles you are facing during the pandemic. Remember, it’s okay not to be perfect!
These simple steps can make a significant difference when it comes to your mental health and your ability to parent during a pandemic.
A little self-compassion will go a long way toward helping to make this year far better than the last.