Relationships can be tricky. When your teen spends a lot of time with someone, it can be easy for the two of them to get lost in each others' orbits. Over time, it can become increasingly difficult for them to maintain their boundaries and speak up about their concerns.
Before long, they may find that they are setting aside their own wants and needs in order to avoid conflict or keep the peace. This can make them feel less like themselves and create an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
As a parent, you can help prevent this from happening by showing your teen how to maintain their self-respect in their relationships. Their wants and needs are just as important as anyone else’s. and they deserve to be treated with respect and to have the space to voice their feelings.
When you teach your child how to use the FAST skill, it can help them build strong relationships with others without needing to sacrifice their values or their integrity.
The FAST skill breaks down into four key steps:
Be Fair
Don’t over Apologize
Stick to your values
Be Truthful
When your teen is able to follow these four steps, it will allow them to improve their relationships without losing their self-worth.
Be fair
Sometimes in an attempt to try and be fair to others, we forget to be fair to ourselves. We may give up something we want in order to make someone else happy, or we may stay quiet about a situation that is bothering us because we don’t want to make someone feel upset.
However, it’s important for us to realize that our feelings matter, too.
If your teen always seems to put themselves on the back burner in their relationships, remind them that they are not treating themselves fairly when they do this. It’s only fair for both parties in a relationship to be able to share their feelings, express concerns, and communicate their needs without fear of retribution or outburst.
Don’t over apologize
When your teen does bring up issues, set boundaries, or ask for their needs to be met within a relationship, it’s important that they realize that they have a right to do so.
Their feelings are valid, and they should not apologize for maintaining their self-worth or telling someone how they feel.
When teens act apologetic for asking for the respect they deserve, it undermines their request and gives the impression that they are not worthy of having their issues addressed.
Tell your teen to try maintaining eye contact, holding their head up, and speaking clearly (and without apology) when they are discussing problems within a relationship.
Stick to your values
Compromises are great when it comes to choosing a movie to watch or which type of pizza to order. When compromises start extending to personal values, there is a problem.
Show your teen the importance of sticking to their values and not compromising their integrity for anyone.
If your teen avoids alcohol, but they are spending time with a friend or a significant other who is trying to encourage them to drink, they need to stick to their guns. If your teen is in a relationship with someone who uses demeaning language to put them down, they need to be clear that their boundaries are being violated.
It’s when teens slowly start to give in to small moral compromises that they begin to lose their sense of self and their self-worth. They can stop this from happening by upholding their values regardless of the circumstances.
Be truthful
When it comes to forming healthy relationships, honesty is the best policy.
A critical way for teens to make sure they don’t lose sight of their self-worth in their relationships is for them to always be honest. When teens lie or manipulate others, they sacrifice their integrity, and it can be hard for them to feel good about themselves.
Teens should avoid acting upset, helpless, angry, or afraid when they aren’t actually feeling these ways. This is not fair to their friends, family, and loved ones.
When they make an effort to always speak honestly and maintain their integrity, it will give them a sense of self-worth.
Using the FAST skill will prevent your teen from being overshadowed or losing their values and self-worth in their relationships, helping their friendships and romantic relationships to blossom and stay healthy over time.