While all parents want to believe their teen is somehow “immune” to experiencing suicidal thoughts, the truth is that nearly 20% of high school students have seriously considered attempting suicide.
Although this a topic of conversation that no parent wants to have with their teen, if your teen has shared that they are thinking about dying by suicide, your response in these moments is critical.
Here are a few actions you should take if your teen tells you that suicide has been on their mind:
Take the conversation seriously
Some people falsely believe that when people say they are thinking about suicide they are just seeking attention.
However, in reality, in 75% of completed suicides, the victim communicated their thoughts or otherwise shared their feelings weeks or even months in advance.
If your teen is talking to you about these thoughts, they are likely at a breaking point and in true need of help.
Don’t panic
While we know that this is a lot easier said than done, it is crucial that you do not panic when you hear that your teen has been thinking of suicide.
If you have a strong reaction out of fear, your teen may be hesitant to come talk to you in the future or they may backpedal and say that they didn’t actually mean what they said.
Take a deep breath and try to stay calm and collected so that you don’t cause your teen to feel undue worry, stress, guilt, or shame after speaking with you.
Remember, if they are telling you that they are having suicidal thoughts, this is actually a good sign. It means that they trust you to help them and that they want to receive help.
It is okay to be honest with them about feeling concerned, but do not make them feel like you are panicking or freaking out.
Prioritize their safety
If your teen says they are considering suicide, they have a plan for attempting suicide, or they feel like hurting themselves, don’t leave them alone. Seek help by calling 911 immediately, and make sure you are right by their side while they are in crisis.
When your teen is not in immediate danger of dying by suicide or harming themselves, you can start taking other steps to make sure they are safe.
This could be anything from making sure they don’t have access to weapons or sharp objects to helping them sign up to receive therapy. You can also contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for assistance from a trained counselor if necessary.
Regardless of how you feel in the moment, if your teen is expressing that they may be feeling suicidal, your number one priority should be to keep them safe.
Acknowledge and validate their feelings
Sometimes in an effort to help their teens feel better, parents will use platitudes that are actually more harmful than helpful.
Saying statements like, “It will pass,” or “Think about all of the things you have to be grateful for in your life” will only make your teen feel worse.
Let your teen know that you believe them and that you are here for them no matter what they are feeling.
Do not judge them for what they are feeling and make sure they know that they are loved and respected and valued.
Ask open-ended questions
When your teen tells you something so big, it is important that you do everything you can to understand what they are feeling and to keep open, honest dialog flowing between the two of you.
The last thing you want to do is misunderstand the severity of their feelings or to cause them to shut down and refuse to continue the conversation.
One way you can help them continue to communicate with you is to validate their feelings, show unconditional positive regard, and ask open-ended questions that show that you care and are seeking to understand what’s going on.
Instead of just asking, “Are you okay?” try asking them “How long have you been feeling this way?” or “How are you feeling?” or “Can you tell me more about how you are feeling?”
Avoid giving advice or trying to control the conversation. Listen, ask questions, and provide support. Let your teen know that they can speak openly and honestly with you, and be sure to listen to what they are saying without judgment.