Like any parent, you are willing to do whatever it takes to protect your teen. This desire to shield your teen from pain and hurt is a good thing. However, like any good thing, it is important that you use moderation. Too much of a good thing can actually be a bad thing!
For instance, it’s healthy for you to want your teen to succeed and avoid failures, but it is problematic if you try to protect them from failure to the point of completing their homework for them, discouraging them from trying out for sports, or trying to manage their friendships.
Unfortunately, many parents try so hard to prevent their teens from feeling pain and sadness that their actions have the opposite effect. When their teen has a hobby that is outside of the “mainstream,” or their teen dresses in ways that don’t conform to traditional gender norms, parents may try to question or challenge these choices and identities to prevent potential bullying or hatred from the outside world.
While this often comes from a place of love, it can be detrimental to teens who simply want to be loved and accepted for who they are.
Instead of trying to “fix” your teen to protect them from bullying, isolation, failure, or sadness, it is important for you to embrace your teen and offer unconditional love, support, and acceptance.
Here are a few reasons why acceptance is better and safer for teens than trying to fix or change them:
Your acceptance breeds resiliency
When you fully embrace and accept your teen, they will learn that they have support from the person whose opinions matter the most. This way, if their peers or people from the “outside” world start to judge them or treat them differently, they have the knowledge that those words and judgments don’t matter, they have the ability to be comfortable in their own skin, and they have the power to push through these challenges knowing that they have your support.
Your acceptance is controllable
No matter how hard you try to make sure your teen fits in with their peers or societal norms, you can’t actually control whether or not they are going to be treated well by the people around them.
When parents tell their teens not to wear certain clothes or participate in certain activities in order to prevent their teen from being harassed, it doesn’t mean that their teen won’t experience harassment for some other reason. Furthermore, if you don’t accept your teen for who they are, it can cause them to feel the very pain and isolation that you are trying to keep them from experiencing.
The way people react to your teen is out of your control. The only factor that is in your hands and absolutely guaranteed is the way you feel about your teen. While you can’t protect them from everything, you can accept them wholeheartedly, which is invaluable for your teen.
Although your efforts to shield your teen from negative experiences may be well-intentioned, they can also be futile, harmful, and pale in comparison to the benefits that come from full acceptance.
Your acceptance fosters curiosity
Teens who know their parents will love them unconditionally without pushing them to fit inside a particular mold are often more willing to try new things and explore their identity. These teens feel free to break the mold because they know they will be met with support and acceptance instead of judgment, anger, or fear.
When a teen knows that their parents don’t expect perfection, for example, they will feel more confident trying new activities even if they might fail at first.
You can help your teen feel comfortable making new friends, trying new challenges, or taking up new interests by choosing to accept them instead of trying to fix them.
Your acceptance leads to authenticity
When teens know they are fully accepted, it frees them to be their authentic selves. Instead of hiding a part of who they are in order to meet your demands or expectations, they are able to be themselves and feel safe as they form their identity, determine their likes and dislikes, and figure out the type of person they want to be in life.
Embracing your teen’s authentic self and fostering their magic is one of the greatest gifts you can give as a parent.