Do I need to monitor my teen’s phone?

For some teens, social media use is a positive experience, allowing them to connect and interact with their friends in a healthy manner.

However, for many teens, their experience with social media is quite the opposite. For some teens, social media can lead to a host of problems:

  • Perpetuating or falling victim to cyberbullying

  • Reaching out to strangers who add them on Snapchat and other social media platforms 

  • Communicating with people who give them access to drugs 

  • Struggling to maintain a healthy body image after seeing photos of models on Instagram

  • Sending or receiving nude photos

  • Posting personal information online

It seems like every day brings a new horror story about a teenager getting hurt thanks to their use of social media.

The knowledge that social media can be dangerous puts many parents in a dilemma.

Do they allow their teens to use social media freely, knowing that their teen may engage in problematic behaviors using these online platforms? 

Do they monitor their teen’s phone to prevent these negative behaviors, but risk violating their teen’s privacy and trust?

If you are finding yourself asking these questions, you’re not the only one.

While there is no absolute, correct answer to this dilemma, there are some pros and cons for you to consider when you’re wondering whether or not you should monitor your teen’s phone.

Pros of monitoring your teen’s phone

There are many advantages that can come from monitoring your teen’s phone, especially if you pay close attention to their social media use:

  • Seeing whether or not they are in communication with strangers

  • Determining whether or not they are following accounts that may perpetuate harmful messages

  • Making sure your teen is not bullying others or engaging in harassment online

  • Preventing your teen from sending or receiving explicit photos over social media

The main benefit of monitoring your teen’s phone is that they may be less likely to engage in negative behavior online if they know that you will be checking their online accounts from time to time.

However, while there are some advantages to monitoring your teen’s phone in this way, some of these benefits may backfire.

Cons of monitoring your teen’s phone

If your teen knows that you are going to check the social media accounts on their phone regularly, they may find sneakier ways to engage in negative behaviors if they wish to do so by creating alternate accounts or deleting certain posts and messages.

There are other disadvantages to monitoring your teen’s phone as well:

  • Giving your teen reason to believe that you don’t trust them

  • Making your teen feel like they don’t have privacy

  • Encouraging your teen to sneak or hide problem behaviors from you to avoid getting in trouble when you monitor their phone

As you can see, there are downsides to both sides of the coin. So, how do you keep your teen safe on social media without making them feel like you think they’re up to no good?

Best practices for keeping your teen safe on social media

Whether or not you choose to monitor your teen’s phone, here are a few best practices for you to consider to keep your teen safe on social media:

  • Teach good digital citizenship skills. It is on you to make sure your teen knows not to share personal information like their address on social media as well as how to engage in polite online discourse. They should also recognize how unrealistic body portrayals or “flex” posts on Instagram and other platforms can affect their mental health, and they should be aware of the potential harms of social media. When you teach your teen good digital citizenship skills, it will be easier for you to trust that they are making good decisions online.

  • Be transparent. If you choose to monitor your teen’s social media use, be upfront about it. Rather than spying secretly, which will make your teen feel upset and violated if they find out, be honest about why you are choosing to monitor their phone use ahead of time.

  • Set clear guidelines and expectations. If you choose not to monitor your teen’s social media use, let your teen know that there are certain expectations they must meet to maintain this privacy. Tell them that if they break certain rules or give you reasonable suspicion that they are engaging in inappropriate behaviors, that you will look through their phone. Be clear about what these rules entail, and make sure your teen is aware of these guidelines.

With these best practices, you and your teen can work toward being on the same page regarding their phone and social media use.