The teenage years can be a complete roller coaster of big feelings. A lot of those big feelings may be due to your teen and their friend group. Teenagers’ friendships are the center of their universe.
We all remember high school. Our friendships meant everything to us, and weighed way more on our self-esteem and mental health than our parents probably thought. And the same is still true today. While good friends can make your kid feel great, one-sided friendships can drain your teen’s tank. Either way, your kid’s friends have a big impact on them. And it’s painful for a kid to pour their heart into a friendship, only to get crumbs or be ghosted in return.
So, as parents, how can we spot one-sided friendships with our teens? And what do they need to protect their heart and mind?
Before we can help, we have to understand what one-sided friendships are.
What One-Sided Friendships Look Like
During middle and high school, friend groups can change at NASCAR Racing speeds. Because of this, it’s completely normal for teenagers to mistake a casual friend for a ride-or-die friend. Your kid may think they’ve found their new bestie, but instead, something feels off, and your teen ends up with hurt feelings shortly after.
So what is it? A one-sided friendship is when one friend always handles the heavy lifting in the friendship, while the other one gives the bare minimum in return. The time, effort, and heart your kid has put in isn’t reciprocated, and that’s bound to hurt. While this can be hard to witness, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the other teen is a bad kid. Maybe there was a misunderstanding, or maybe something major is going on in their life that doesn’t allow them the space to put in the work. As a parent, you may never know, but either way, it’s probably feeling like a big deal for your kid.
What should a parent look out for? Typical signs of a one-sided friendship include your teen always being the first to text, call, or lock in weekend plans with the other kid. Conversations revolve only around the other person’s life, and problems, with little to no space for your teen’s feelings or input. The friend is only there when they need a favor, help with homework, or someone to hang out with because their other plans fell through. And the friend never asks follow-up questions, celebrates your teen’s accomplishments, or shows up at their performances or recitals.
As an adult, it may be easy to spot this imbalance and call it out, but for teens, they’re more sensitive to rejection by their friends or being kicked out of a friend group at school. That’s why they may need a little assist from mom, dad or their guardian, to help address the issue.
Why Lopsided Friendships Can Mess With Your Teen’s Head
For teenagers, the way others their age view them is deeply intertwined with their self-identity. The friends they keep tend to tell them where they stand. When a teen realizes a person they thought was a close friend doesn’t value them the same way, it can trigger feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and loneliness. That’s why these friendships can take such a toll.
A lot of teens take this stuff to heart. They think that if they just tried harder, were funnier, or looked different, the other person would care more. As adults, we know it’s not that easy. Over time, trying harder to fit in leaves your teen feeling totally drained. This can lead to a major hit to their overall emotional well-being and headspace.
How to Support Your Teen
Watching your kid struggle with a one-sided friendship is heartbreaking. However, how you react makes all the difference.
Here are some practical ways to guide them through this sticky situation:
Validate their feelings: It’s easy to brush off teen drama with phrases like “You’ll make new friends,” or “It’s just high school, don’t stress.” But to a teen, it feels like their whole world is going to implode. Instead, make sure your kid’s feelings are seen. Try something like, “Yeah, that sounds tough,” or “I can see why that would make you feel upset… that would upset me too.”
Teach them some healthy boundaries: Teens need to learn that they shouldn’t expect to get all of their emotional needs met by just one person. Encourage your teenager to evaluate their relationship, and if it seems rocky, practice ways they can take a step back without being harsh.
Gently check the vibes: Use open-ended questions to help your teen see the reality for themselves. Ask questions like, “How do you usually feel after hanging out with them?” or “Do you feel like they listen to you the same way you listen to them?”
Broaden the circle: Sometimes teens cling to one-sided friendships because it’s their only group of friends. Encourage your teen to try other activities, sports, classes, or clubs that match their interests. Growing their crew will help them realize that better hangouts may exist outside this draining relationship.
Getting Through One-Sided Friendships
Watching a teen go through the sting of a one-sided friendship is tough. When parents help teens spot these fair-weather friends, we’re giving them the tools to speak up for themselves and, hopefully, bounce back emotionally. Supporting them through this tricky situation doesn’t mean fixing the problem for them, though. It means offering a safe place to vent, setting a good example for boundaries, and gently nudging them toward people who truly appreciate them.
By teaching our kids to know their own self-worth right now, we aren’t just helping them survive high school drama. We’re helping them build healthy, two-way street relationships for the rest of their lives.
When To Seek Professional Help
Figuring out friendship issues is a normal part of growing up, but some teens need extra help. If you notice symptoms of anxiety, isolation, or sudden teenage angst that interfere with their daily life, it might be time to reach out to a professional at Creative Healing. We can help you and your teen through these tricky interactions and answer any questions you or your family may have.
