In DBT, we talk about three states of mind: Reasonable Mind, Emotional Mind, and Wise Mind.
At any point in our lives, we might be in one of these states of mind.
Reasonable Mind is all about facts, thinking, and logic.
You or your teen might be in Reasonable Mind when you’re doing something like simple math problems or making a grocery list (unless your teen has a fear of math or has an eating disorder.)
When we’re in Reasonable Mind, our emotions are seemingly not present, and we’re not taking feelings into account.
Emotional Mind is all about our feelings and urges. It feels hot and makes it hard for us to think rationally.
You or your teen might be in Emotional Mind when isolating, cutting classes, bingeing or purging, self-harming, or in any other highly emotionally charged situation.
When we’re in Emotional Mind, our emotions consume us.
Here’s the thing:
Being in Reasonable Mind or Emotional Mind isn’t inherently bad. They actually both have a lot of value. However, if we’re relying only on logic or only on emotions, we’re missing out on making effective decisions and acting more skillfully.
Wise Mind blends together Reasonable Mind and Emotional Mind.
It sees the benefits of both reason AND emotions, helping you or your teen make informed, optimal decisions.
Here’s an example:
Let’s say your teen is struggling with an eating disorder.
They’re having extreme urges to binge and purge. (Emotional Mind)
They take a step back for a moment, acknowledge the big emotions they’re having, self-validate and let themselves know it’s okay, and instead choose to call a friend for support. (Wise Mind)