Every emotion we feel, positive or negative, encourages us to respond in a particular way.
Typically, our responses are biological. For instance, when we feel thirsty, we will naturally seek out hydration. If we feel tired, we will naturally try to rest.
However, just because these responses are biologically wired does not mean that we have to succumb to them. Sometimes our emotions naturally trigger negative responses, and we have to go against these impulses in order to maintain our relationships, our health, and our sanity.
This is where the Opposition Action Skill can come into play.
If your teen struggles to act opposite of their negative impulses and tends to give in to destructive urges, teaching them the Opposition Action Skill can help.
Here are a few examples of how your teen can use this skill when faced with big emotions:
Anger
Your teen is bound to have experiences that make them feel angry.
Maybe someone calls them a mean name or destroys their property.
Maybe they don’t like that you grounded them for missing curfew.
Maybe they’re playing basketball and the ref makes a bad call.
When teens feel angry, they are biologically wired to want to attack others or defend themselves. They may get in someone’s face and yell, punch a wall, slam a door, or even hit someone.
Help your teen learn how to better manage their anger by responding in the opposite manner. Instead of yelling at someone, they can say something kind. Instead of saying something rude to someone, they can express concern and ask themselves why that person may have chosen to hurt them in the first place. Instead of getting into a fight, they can walk away.
By embracing these opposite actions, your teen can prevent their anger from causing them to make a choice they’ll regret.
Shame
When your teen feels shame, it causes them to think they are worthless, which makes them want to hide away or isolate themselves from the people who love them most.
Remind your teen that you love them unconditionally and encourage them to complete opposite actions when they are tempted to hide or isolate themselves in shame. Telling them to hold their head up, make eye contact, and reach out to others instead of cowering away can make a major difference in their lives.
Fear
Your teen is going to face situations where they will feel afraid or anxious. At one point or another, they are going to have to attend an event where they don’t know anyone, speak in front of a group of people, or take on some other challenge that will cause them to feel fear.
However, even though every part of them might be telling them to run and hide during these moments, they can learn to do the opposite. They can actively choose to face their fears head on instead of practicing an avoidance technique or trying to hide.
For instance, if they start to feel afraid during a party where they don’t know other people, instead of pulling out their phone in an attempt to hide or distract themselves, they can keep their phone in their pocket and decide to strike up a conversation with the next person they see.
Doing this will keep them from clinging to negative fear responses when they’re afraid.
The importance of the Opposition Action Skill
Unlike hunger or thirst, which have biological responses that are helpful for our wellbeing, other emotions like anger, fear, and guilt, can cause negative reactions.
When your teen is able to practice the Opposition Action Skill, it will keep them from allowing these negative emotions to take control.
If your teen feels depressed, they might want to shut down. The Opposition Action Skill will help them choose to get involved and talk to others about their feelings.
If your teen feels embarrassed, they might want to withdraw from others or practice avoidance techniques. The Opposition Action Skill allows them to push through this negative feeling and recognize that they are so much more than a small embarrassing moment.
Any time your teen is experiencing big emotions and gives into their destructive urges, they are putting their mental, physical, and emotional health at risk, and they are jeopardizing meaningful relationships.
By showing your teen how to use the Opposition Action Skill, you can make sure they are able to handle their big emotions in stride.