Late winter through early spring is also known as the college acceptance letter season. Between the beginning of February and the end of March, thousands of high school students will find out whether or not they have been accepted into the colleges of their dreams.
While this is often a time of celebration for many students, it can also be a difficult time for many others whether or not they are accepted into their dream school.
When students apply to a college, they will either be accepted, rejected, or deferred.
Over the past couple of years, there have been record numbers of deferments, causing some students to feel like they aren’t the top choice for their top colleges. Deferment can be challenging for students to cope with for many reasons:
They have to be positive around their friends and classmates who weren’t deferred
They have to retake the SAT, take on extracurriculars, boost their GPA, or otherwise step up their application instead of being able to leave the application process in the past
They have to worry about whether they will end up being rejected in the future
Students who aren’t accepted or deferred from a school have to face the sting that comes with receiving a rejection letter or email. Receiving a rejection letter can be a painful experience for your teen and cause them to feel a mixture of emotions:
Depression or sadness because they weren’t selected to attend their top school
Grief at losing the future plan and specific college experience they had envisioned for themselves
Shame due to feeling inadequate or like they were not “good enough” to get into their dream school
Embarrassment at having to tell teachers and friends that they did not get accepted into the school they have been talking about attending
Even students who are accepted into their top choices can face challenges if they don’t receive financial aid to make it feasible for them to go. There are many students who get into their top schools, but cannot afford to attend. This can be a complicated experience for teens for many reasons:
They must let go of a dream that they were close to attaining
They have to be happy for their friends who are able to attend their dream schools
They may have to worry about working during school or taking on hefty student loans to even consider attending college
As you can see, while college acceptance letter season can be a joyous occasion for many students, it can be hard for many teens.
As your teen navigates this period of their life, here are a few ways that you can help offer support:
Validate their feelings
If your teen doesn’t get accepted to their first choice, they are likely going to feel devastated.
While you might feel like your teen’s second and third choices are fine colleges, or you might understand that deferrment is not the same as rejection, it is important for you to acknowledge and validate how they are feeling.
Saying things like, “I know how much you wanted to go to University of Michigan, and I’m sorry you weren’t accepted” or “I’m sorry that you have to wait to hear back from Howard University. I would be frustrated if I were deferred, too,” can go a long way toward showing support and helping your teen manage their feelings of disappointment.
Give your teen space to process their emotions
Many parents like to be “fixers.” For example, if their teen is deferred from a college, they want to immediately work on helping boost their teen’s college application.
While your intentions might be in the right place if you do this, it can be frustrating for your teen.
Instead of immediately saying, “Let’s get you signed up for the next ACT” or “Let’s see how we can improve your GPA,” give your teen the space to feel upset about their decision before they move forward.
Avoid platitudes
When your teen is experiencing disappointment, bitterness, sadness, or anger over their college decisions, the last thing they need is for you to say platitudes like “It could be worse,” or “Everything happens for a reason.”
They need you to be in their corner offering support and validating their feelings instead of trying to push past these feelings or gloss over them with hollow words.
Make sure that you are willing to understand what your teen is feeling so that you can be there to offer the support they need to get through these hardships.