As parents, one of the most important skills we can teach our teens is how to accumulate positive experiences. Life’s challenges, especially during adolescence, can feel overwhelming, and for teens dealing with depression or difficult emotions, it can seem like the negative always outweighs the positive. That’s where the concept of "Accumulating Positives" comes in—a skill that can help them build up the emotional reserves needed to weather life's storms.
Depression acts like a debit to your teen’s happiness account, constantly withdrawing emotional energy. Accumulating positives, on the other hand, is about making deposits, ensuring that your teen keeps a healthy balance in their emotional bank. Here’s how you can support them in practicing this skill.
1. Noticing and Savoring Small Moments of Joy
The first part of accumulating positives involves recognizing and savoring the small joys that already exist in daily life. For teens, this could be as simple as enjoying a good laugh with friends at lunch, noticing a favorite song on the radio, or taking in the fresh air during a short walk. Encourage your teen to be mindful of these small but meaningful moments—remind them that happiness doesn’t always come from grand gestures. Help them learn to pause and appreciate what’s already present, no matter how small it seems.
A practical way to do this is to ask your teen at the end of the day: *What was one thing that made you smile today?* By consistently practicing this, they’ll start to build an awareness of the positives that are often overlooked.
2. Planning for Positive Experiences
The second approach is more intentional: planning ongoing positive experiences. Help your teen think about ways to regularly incorporate activities that bring joy or satisfaction into their life. Encourage them to think about a balance of activities they can do:
- Alone: Whether it’s reading a favorite book, playing a sport, or practicing a hobby, encourage your teen to plan moments of solitude that they enjoy.
- With Friends: Social connection is a powerful positive experience. Help your teen think about activities they can do with friends, such as going to a movie, hanging out after school, or simply spending time together.
- With Family: Despite the natural pull for independence during adolescence, family time can still be a source of positive experiences. Perhaps it’s watching a funny show together or sharing a meal as a family. These moments matter.
3. Accumulating Positives in All Areas of Life
The key is to help your teen find positives in every part of their life, even in environments or situations they may find challenging. For example, school might be stressful, but encourage them to find small positives there—maybe it’s enjoying a class they like or socializing with friends at lunch. The same goes for family time or other areas where they may feel pressure. Help them reflect on what brings them joy or satisfaction in different settings, no matter how small.
4. Keeping a Healthy Balance
Ultimately, we know that life—especially during the teen years—will throw its challenges their way. Depression, stress, and anxiety will inevitably make emotional "withdrawals." That’s why it's so important to continuously accumulate positives, ensuring that the balance remains in their favor. The more they can recognize, savor, and plan positive experiences, the more resilient they will become in handling life's inevitable difficulties.
As parents, we play a vital role in supporting our teens to maintain this balance. By encouraging them to focus on accumulating positives, you are helping them build emotional strength that will carry them through not only their teenage years but into adulthood as well.