3 Steps to Managing Teen Anxiety without Meltdowns or Overwhelm (for you or your teen)

ANXIETY FEELS LIKE....

• That critical voice that's always nagging you in the back of your mind
• That weight on your chest that makes it hard for you to breathe
• That belief that others don't like you, don't want you around or secretly hate you
• That urge to run away, hide in the corner, avoid eye contact or to stay super duper still and hope that others don't notice you
• That fear that something horrible is about to happen, whether it's failure, loss, danger, rejection or embarrassment
• That shaking, sweating, crying sick feeling
• That thought that cycles through your mind again and again with no end in sight

Anxiety can be a bit of a bully and when your anxious teen is faced with discomfort or difficulty, the natural tendency is often to avoid.

They may want to run away, avoid or procrastinate... because let's face it: Facing your fears is hard work!

In DBT we teach a skill called Opposite Action to help teens learn HEALTHY ways to manage difficulties without making the situation worse.

This means that...

...one day of homework doesn't pile up into a week's worth of overwhelm.

...one bad interaction with friends doesn't lead to arguments and isolation that trigger depression and safety concerns.

...one critical sentence from a parent doesn't lead to big blow ups and days of not speaking to each other.

It's about acknowledging how you feel in the moment, taking a breath and step back and making a CHOICE to effectively manage the situation.

When we're talking anxiety, the following suggestions are helpful when your anxiety or fear is not justified by a legitimately dangerous situation:

STEP ONE
Stop avoiding and reassuring. Approach what makes you anxious by being brave AND afraid. Do it over and over and over again. 

It's going to feel uncomfortable. Expect it. And do it anyway. It's the only way.

STEP TWO
Approach events, places, tasks, activities and people that make you nervous. Take it one step at a time and expose yourself to these difficulties while taking note of how it impacts your thoughts, your emotions and your body sensations. 

Make a list of the experiences that make you nervous and place them in an order from least scary to most. Start at the bottom and work your way up.

STEP THREE
Do something every day that gives you a sense of control and mastery over your fear. No matter how small it seems, find a way to feel empowered. Engage in activities that make you feel confident. Tell yourself you can do it.

^^ This is all SUPER hard and can often feel overwhelming or make you feel paralyzed without a professional to walk you through it and support the process each step of the way.

If your teen needs help going from anxious and overwhelmed to confident and coping with ease, we've got you covered. Reach out to us for a complimentary parent call to get clarity on the next best steps here: http://creativehealingphilly.com/free-parent-call

A Resource for your Procrastinating Teen

How to help your teen overcome procrastination... 

One of the most frustrating concepts we hear from parents for their teens is completing work that seems overwhelming, attending to chores when they have an "I'll do it later" attitude.

Just ONE more episode of Netflix, they say.
Just ONE more scroll of the Insta feed, they say.
Just ONE more snap to friends, they say.

But it never ends at one and then the work never gets done.

Which leads to MORE stress and overwhelm as the workload piles up and then your teen asks to go in late to school (or avoid it altogether) since they haven't completed the work they stayed up until after midnight trying to complete. >> Then skipping class stresses them out MORE because they're missing more work.

It's an endless cycle. And we have an end.

When teens don't learn the tools to manage procrastination in high school, they take these poor habits into college and beyond and life becomes an overwhelming collection of tasks that makes you feel like you're constantly at the bottom of a hole trying to climb your way upward.

This comes with physical illness, emotional distress, snapping at friends and family when you're on overload and more.

And that's no way to live.

What can you do?

* Learn the REAL reasons you procrastinate (What's behind it all and what's at the root of it?) Here's a hint... a lot of times it's connected to perfectionism and self-worth.

* Create structure and routine so that you can learn how to organize and use your time more effectively and prioritize the tasks that need to get done NOW.

* Develop a world-class support and accountability team of family, friends and professionals to keep you on track. We're all counting on you FOR you until you learn the skills to be self-sufficient in meeting your expectations.

Our goal for your teen...

+ Get organized

+ Stay focused

+ Reduce stress

+ Feel GOOD about yourself and your accomplishments

Check out this great resource on overcoming procrastination for teen:

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If your teen needs more than a book to get going, we're here... 

If your teen needs support in breaking free of procrastination and beginning to meet life's challenges effectively so that they can be fully prepared for college and beyond, we've got you covered.

Complete an application form to speak to one of our counselors about the next best steps to support your teen: 
www.creativehealingphilly.com/free-parent-call

7 Reasons Depression is Like the Common Cold

In our sessions at the teen support center, we often will use metaphor to talk about depression because when we can put a mental illness in physical terms, it helps teens to look at their situation in a whole new way and helps them to take action and effectively change their behaviors and routines so that they positively impact their mood at its core (and not just mask the symptoms.)

Here are our 7 Reasons Depression is Like the Common Cold:

1. Some days it’s just a nagging tickle in your throat and a stuffy nose and life can proceed as usual -- even though it’s always there as a dull reminder.

2. Some days your head hurts so badly and your nose is so clogged that moving or getting out of bed feels next to impossible.  You feel like bed is the only option and that you “just can’t do life” today.

3. Sleeping all day helps you to cope with it but it’s still totally there when you wake up.

4. You can laugh with your friends and still have a cold.  The awesomeness of friends does not negate the suckiness of a cold.

5. You try not to complain about it to others, especially when you’re up and completing daily tasks because you don’t want people to judge you, tell you it’s not that bad, relate to you by telling you about their most recent sniffles, or worse… tell you it’s mind over matter and you’ll get through it.

6. You’d love to be tucked in by a loved one, brought chicken soup and nurtured but you don’t want to feel like a burden on others.

7. Cold medications may work to mask some of the symptoms, but they don’t make it go away and you hate that you have a cold.  You wonder how you got it, why you have it and when it will go away… and in the deepest midst of it, it’s hard to imagine that you’ll ever feel any other way again.

Just like with any physical illness, when you don’t acknowledge and effectively treat the problem, it tends to get worse.  Or at the very least, it sticks around a LOT longer than is comfortable or helpful.

And, what starts as a dull sadness or a tearful night or two over homework can quickly lead to overwhelm, hopelessness, loss of motivation or isolation.  When an emotion isn’t validated by parents, the behaviors that come with that emotion will escalate until your teen feels heard and understood.

Having a safe space to explore, express, communicate and cope with emotions BEFORE they become overwhelm is an effective way to manage a “cold” and not just treat or dull the symptoms.

What’s more, when you can communicate to your teen that you truly understand how they feel (either by validating them with your words and with listening wholeheartedly or by connecting them with a therapist for more support) it allows your teen to FEEL understood by you and opens up communication and an opportunity for a closer bond with them.

If you have a teen who is experiencing:

• A low mood, feeling “blah” or numb and lacks enjoyment in everyday activities

• Feelings of worthlessness or hopelesssness

• Isolation or withdraw from friends

• Fatigue, exhaustiion, difficulty getting out of bed or getting motivated

• Thoughst or urges to harm themselves

Complete an interest form here and let’s connect to explore the next best steps for how to support your teen.

We currently have appointments available for depressed teens who want to learn how to...

• Actually implement effective skills to manage their mood on a day-to-day basis
• Understand and “catch” how they feel in any given moment so that they can make positive choices in how to respond, rather than acting impulsively or destructively and making the situation worse
• Learn how to handle overwhelm in healthy ways now so that stress-masking habits don’t become a way of life
• Learn how to appropriately ask for support and not use manipulation tactics or fall apart so that others take care of them

But, these appointments are certainly not for everyone :)

Your teen MUST:

• Be open and excited about working with a counselor who will “get” them and who will help them understand that they are not alone
• Be willing to learn new skills to help them manage their mood
• Be ready to let go of the excuses and negative thinking that have been keeping them stuck

If this sounds like your teen, I’d love to personally connect.  

Click here to complete an application form and I’ll reach out soon to explore the next best steps.

Have a Plan in Place When Life Overwhelms Your Teen

Help your teen learn to give themselves a break 

When an activity or event is overwhelming for your teen, best practice is to encourage them to take a break to calm down, then return to the activity when they are feeling more equipped and ready to tackle it.

It's important to note that breaks like this should be PLANNED and TEMPORARY and that too long of a break results in straight avoiding a stressful situation and that will only serve to make it more difficult in the end!

Help your teen come up with a list of activities or events that stress them out or overwhelm them. Knowing in advance what is going to be difficult will help you partner together to devise a "Cope Ahead Plan." Maybe you teen has difficulty with math homework, or maybe it's getting to school in the morning. Identify the trigger situations that cause distress so you can put a solid coping plan in place.

Be Mindful 

Help your teen identify what thoughts, emotions and body sensations arise when they feel overwhelmed.

You may ask them...

"What goes through your head when this happens?"

"What differences do you notice in your body when you're feeling stressed?" (This could be tension, changes in heart rate or breathing patterns.)

"What emotions come up for you? Do you feel sad? Angry? Anxious?"

When you can identify the warning signs of stress you can head it off before it gets to the point of crisis and it gives your teen a clear indicator of when to actually use coping skills.

Come up with a solid list of ways to cope 

Help your teen choose at least 5 activities to engage in when stress hits. This could be ways to distract them from the difficult feelings until they lessen, such as...

+ Journaling
+Drawing
+Listening to music
+Talking to a friend about something else
+Taking a walk

It's important to have these activities chosen in advance and for your teen to have a list of them somewhere they can easily access so that when they are upset, they know exactly what to do. It can be difficult to make decisions or come up with a plan when emotions are swirling, so it's important to BE PROACTIVE.

Here's a list of just some of the coping skills our teens have come up with in past groups.  (This is part of a list of fifty!)

Make a plan to return to the situation 

Remember, coping skills are planned and temporary, so you need to decide when your teen feels ready to return to the situation too. This again should be something that is planned in advance when your teen is calm.

Ask them...

"What would let you know you were calm enough to return to the situation again?"

"How would your thoughts/feelings/body sensations be better or different?"

"What are the signs that you would notice that would let you know you were feeling calm enough to try again?" 

Find a language for talking about mood intensity 

Sometimes using a number system of 0 being completely calm and 10 being the most upset can help you and your teen decide on a good time to return to the activity as well as when it's time to take a break.

Some helpful ways to track moods include using a family journal, having your teen record a number daily on the calendar, or doing a daily text or spoken check in at the same time each day.